by Sean Orr | Traffic: British Columbians headed south on the road to legal weed will need to beware of a few potholes. Get it? Potholes!!! Apparently, The Province newspaper thinks you’re all the stupidest people on the planet. But then that’s nothing new. They also think that your pot dealer will try and upsell you to cocaine, or even meth. They probably got this notion from watching After-School Specials.

(Hilariously) related: Man buys legal recreational marijuana, loses job after media coverage. “I am number one and nobody can take that…” You and Nelly, my brother.

You too can be the most overrated rockstar in the entire world! Chad Kroeger’s former home in Abbotsford hits market for $9 million. Perhaps the City of Abbotsford could make this their new homeless shelter?

Meanwhile, New Affordable Housing Agency to address need for new homes, says Mayor. There is a need. Agency dismissed! “Agency to prioritize 2500 affordable homes for families of low, moderate income”. Here’s Wisemonkey and Pulp Fiction to clarify that for you:

@wisemonkeysblog “Conceptualize.” Ponder. Think really hard about. “If I had a million dollars…”

— Pulpfiction Books (@pfbvan) July 9, 2014

Compass Card rollout delayed again. For some reason – like I’m a journalist or something – I had the bright idea of googling Cubic Corporation, the company responsible for Compass, and found this awesome slide show.

Is it any wonder that the military industrial complex wants in on this honeypot? Transit Police Report Riders to Immigration Nearly Every Day. That is so not fare. And here I was boycotting Arizona Ice Tea…

Isn’t “urban noise” an oxymoron? Sounds of silence a challenge in Vancouver. No mention of that bloody noon O Canada horn that wakes me up every…er…morning. Or the Seabus horn. Or the Steam Clock. Or the garbage trucks at 6am. Or the United We Can alley cleaners. Or the Nine O’Clock Gun that scares my cat. Or the Gastown Grand Prix that is driving Lambos into ladies outside my house as I write this…

Injured B.C. cyclist posts photo on Facebook of SUV and driver that hit him. No, but bikes are the dangerous ones…

Related: Why Bikes Make Smart People Say Dumb Things.

Under Tariff 8, Barenaked Ladies would need 9,216 plays of “If I Had $1,000,000? to earn enough royalties to buy one box of Kraft Dinner. “But how many spins would they need for Steven Page to get a bag of cocaine”? – Trevor Risk

Canadian Dad Publishes Worst Concert Review Ever. That would be enough for a harmless chuckle if the author wasn’t also on the Polaris Prize jury (thanks to Alan Ranta for that one).

The Westender is funny? 11 things BuzzFeed has wrong about Vancouver.